Let’s just say I’d rather sit through Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 again.

I could go on and on about how lazy and uninspired Hot Pursuit is. How I hoped against hope that the trailer was a harbinger of the comedy to come, not an indicator that the movie is merely the latest in a long string of unfunny, oil-and-vinegar, road trip movies (Tammy, The Guilt Trip, Identity Thief).

I could talk about how particularly disappointing it was, especially given the fact that Reese Witherspoon and Sofia Vergara have both proven their comedy chops, and how director Anne Fletcher helmed the best romantic comedy of the last ten years, 2009’s The Proposal.

I could also mention that the premise of Hot Pursuit (apparently, only on paper) was at least a little promising– Witherspoon plays Cooper, a Texas policewoman who is charged with bringing in mob wife Riva (Vergara) to testify against a kingpin.

I could tell you, yes, all the ingredients were there for a pleasant little summer diversion– a rompy comedy that could have emerged as a sort of Midnight Run, Junior.

But novice screenwriters John Quaintance and David Feeney (TV’s New Girl) lost their sense of humor, Witherspoon decided to take a role that gives her no room to be funny, and Vergara decided it would be best to continue of the same schtick she gives us weekly on Modern Family.

My kingdom for Kevin James toddling away on his Segway.

1.5/5 stars