1. The Happytime Murders – 2018 (review)
“The trailer gave us obscene amounts of hope that The Happytime Murders would be a raucous and hilarious way to close out the summer. But the trailer is the only thing this crass, unfunny, and tedious exercise has going for it. Plus, it gives Melissa McCarthy yet another opportunity to plod through the most obnoxiously stupid material she can find.”
2. Kick-Ass 2 – 2013
“Writer-director Jeff Wadlow can’t decide if he’s making a sophomoric and lewd comedy, a Mean Girls rip-off, a sweeping and weepy drama (yes, there are actual tears shed), or a ridiculously violent comic book tale. Whichever way, none are done well.”
3. Your Highness – 2011
“It’s as if a bunch of high school kids discovered a book called World’s Best Euphemisms for Sex, Male Genitalia, Masturbation, and Breasts, and then decided to use as many as they could, as often as they could, in a bizarre mash-up of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, a Saturday Night Live skit, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show (yes, there’s even a musical number or two).”
4. Cats – 2019 (review)
“From start to finish, Cats is an unadulterated mess but even more than that, it’s just plain bad… and not even “worth-a-look-just-to-laugh” bad.”
5. Serenity – 2019 (review)
“We’re not even a full month into 2019 yet, and already we have the runaway contender for worst movie of the year. Truly, it will take a calamitous motion picture event to knock Serenity from its perch, and that’s not likely since the majority of the movie’s failure lies with the obscenely squandered cast.”
6. Red Sparrow – 2018 (review)
“As movies go, it’s a grisly horror show that’s as bleak and boring and uninviting as the Russian winter in which it’s set. As female-driven kick-ass spy flicks go, it’s even worse—serving no purpose other than giving Jennifer Lawrence a chance to get naked and completely undermine her (justified) anger at the 2014 hack that resulted in nude photos of her being published online.”
7. Independence Day: Resurgence – 2016 (review)
“Throughout the film, we get gems of dialogue like, ‘You’re all the family I got’, ‘It’s the 4th of July, let’s show ‘em some fireworks’, and ‘We don’t have a second to lose!’ Who wrote this thing? Oh right—Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin. And Nicholas Wright. And James A. Woods. And James Vanderbilt. And, apparently Miss McGuillicuddy’s fourth-grade class. And a lemur.”
8. Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets – 2017 (review)
“I imagine writer-director Luc Besson envisioned Valerian and The City of a Thousand Planets as the glorious offspring of Avatar and his own The Fifth Element, but something awful happened on the way to the final cut. The finished product is a hideous, overblown mess of cartoony cheesiness that may well be the offspring of something, but whatever it is, it was born prematurely and then dropped on its head.”
9. Suicide Squad – 2016 (review)
“With a lackluster script, amateurish direction, and an abundance of clichés—from the story to the soundtrack to the characters—it will take a lot for something to come along this summer and unseat it as the biggest disappointment.”
10. The House – 2017 (review)
“In what may be the most spectacular squandering of talent ever, Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler lead a talented cast in a mind-numbingly idiotic (not to mention bizarrely bloody and violent), unforgivably bad movie. Even the worst, most half-baked Saturday Night Live sketches at least demonstrate a semblance of effort. The House, though, is nothing but an abject disaster from start to finish.”