Pinocchio

For a company built on the spirit of imagination and creativity, Disney sure has had its share of unoriginal clunkers recently, particularly in the live-action department. Hot on the heels of last summer’s awful ‘Cruella’, we now get Robert Zemeckis’ update of ‘Pinocchio’. I’m not sure anyone asked for it, […]

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Spin Me Round

Every so often, you’ll trip on film that will make you say, out loud, to no one in particular, ‘What the heck was that?’. Such is the case with this bizarre, twisted Indie drama (attempting to be a comedy) about an Olive Garden-esque manager (Alison Brie) who wins a spot […]

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Not Just a Girl

The latest in the long line of useless rock-docs that play out like a greatest hits Wikipedia entry, Not Just a Girl gives us a ho-hum Shania Twain career retrospective. Even for mild fans, there’s nothing here you didn’t already know, precious little you haven’t already heard, and only a […]

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a-ha: The Movie

What might have been a reasonably hard-hitting, revelatory, and nostalgic documentary about the band most of the world only knows for ‘Take on Me’ instead leaves more questions than answers. Watershed moments are glossed over, and minor squabbles are never fully explored. It’s almost as if directors Thomas Robsahm and […]

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Deep Water

Anyone hoping for another ‘Fatal Attraction’-style bit of excellence from director Adrian Lyne will be sorely disappointed, especially when they realize they just spent two hours sitting through this slogging mess of a supposed psycho-sexual thriller. The story never moves at a pace quicker than a hobbled snail, and the […]

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Supercool

It may have a title very close to a famous 2007 movie with Jonah Hill, but that’s where the similarities end. This post-pubescent bit of idiocy centers around a high school loser who makes a Zoltar-like wish to become handsome and cool. Of course it works, and of course he […]

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Book of Love

It’s got a clever-ish premise (boring British novelist finds his staid novel shooting up the charts in Mexico, only to discover it’s because the Spanish translator turned it into a bodice-ripper) and highly charismatic stars (Sam Claflin and Verónica Echegui), so there are plenty of reasons this should have emerged […]

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Home Team

Based (presumably veeeery loosely) on what New Orleans Saints coach Sean Payton did during his year-long suspension from the NFL, this goofball ‘Bad News Bears’ ripoff (and Netflix original) starring Kevin James is a clunker from the get-go. Projectile vomiting, ditzy blondes, and fat kids are all played for laughs, […]

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The King’s Man

I called Matthew Vaughn’s 2015 original a ridiculously “profane and violent…James Bond-lite (and -like) romp”, and its 2017 sequel a “vertiginous frenzy of fast edits, tumbling camera work, and sub-sophomoric humor”. Alas, the downward spiral continues with this prequel/origin story starring Ralph Fiennes and Djimon Hounsou. Apparently, Vaughn couldn’t decide […]

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Black Friday

I suppose if you’re drunk, stoned, or just so exhausted from the holidays that you can’t think straight this would be a mildly entertaining take on the zombie/alien apocalypse. For anyone with a modicum of sanity, however, it’s a low-rent, slogging mess that feels like it was made for $100 […]

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